Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I find it hard to keep track of time. One moment you feel like you have all the time in your life, and the next involves constant switching between nervousness, anxiety and tension. Case in point being the last two years of my life. When I got my ICSE results (class 10), eternity stood before me. There was a 3 month vacation to choose your college, and a 24 month wait before I wrote my 12th boards. Everyday at school, I counted the seconds to the end of the minute, the minutes to the end of the hour, the hours to the end of the day, and the days to the end of the month. But the moment a few months passed, I thought, "Where has the time gone ?", and lunged into despair mode, and a conversation in my mind followed, after which I decided to manage time better, and re-focus, only to revert in less than a week.

When class 12 arrived, I knew I had to be serious... but I carried on as usual, until I got my monthly test report ( I had joined an IIT coaching institute called BASE). I knew I could do better, but it was the same me everyday. Now I face my class 12 pre-pre-boards, and there are 3 months left for the JEE exam (known to be the toughest in the world, I don't know how I convinced myself to give it a shot). 21 months have passed. My accomplishments : none... zero...nil...zilch...this makes me feel terrible. Only time will tell if I do improve. Hopefully, I will. But one can't ever be too sure, at least not when you haven't made even the least significant of attempts to guarantee a better tomorrow.

I have nowhere to look up to, except my inner temple.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Evolve +

When you enter this world, you know absolutely nothing that you should not, and nothing less than what you need to know. Your parents are your primary beacons of light (this term just does not do justice to them), your strongest foundation in this world. You choose to follow what they say till you can go to school. That's where you meet your secondary beacons, teachers. Teachers have a lot of impact on our lives, though we may not realise presently. You can proceed with what they say, or what your friends do. Both paths could either eventually converge, or not. But it is those that carve their own paths that we should aim to become. If you don't, all is not lost. True, you do come across ups and downs, but those are temporary, the bigger picture is that you are learning as you grow. Often we regret being alive, but we should realise that only through such sates of depression and agony do we appreciate our otherwise ordinary past. Or at least incubate new ideas for the future. We need to look for support from friends and family. Sometimes we need to sink in deep thought and reflect upon loneliness as well... it is part of life.( I could explain in terms of maxima and minima... frankly, I'd rather not !)

But there is a time in everyone's life that you realise that you have matured enough to take your own decisions ( either that, or you know that there is no other option, this path is actually better). I call that stage as evolving ...... from an ignorant fool to the most intelligent person you can think of. It is when this happens that you actually agree that you can't ask for anything more in life....