Breathing

Was trying to listen to myself speak.
She decided to stop talking.

Was trying to listen to the echoes in the distance.
The silence was deafening.

Was trying to look for the light.
The darkness was blinding.

Was trying to count the stars.
The skies were filled with emptiness.

Was trying to laugh with the rest of the crowd.
The loneliness was killing.

Was trying to run away from it all.
Walked right back into it.

Was trying to dream.
The nightmares kept haunting.

Was trying to look for answers.
The questions were overwhelming.

Was trying to look through the haze.
It was all a blur.

Was trying to bear the summer heat.
It was my life's coldest December.

Was trying to live for the moment.
Got lost in the eternity.

Was trying to run in the fields.
The water was too deep.

Was trying to breathe anew.
Watched myself drown to the bottom.

Was trying to go with the flow.
The stillness of the water was rushing.

Was trying to fly away.
The wings were too heavy.

Was trying to clear the dust.
Slowly became one with it.

Pun Unintended

There are people who are simply obsessed with puns. Real lame ones, at that. Annoying at times, but we all love a good pun. Write?

So here's some instances of me in conversation with professionals in various fields. I was running short on time so mentioned only a few. In the meantime, feel free to add your own in the comments section. (Optional- vote for your favorite ones)

1) Lead Guitarist

(at a shopping mall)

LG - I can't decide which one to buy.
Me - They're both good. Pick any. *grins*

LG - Er..right. I was thinking I'll decide based on which color suits me better. What do you think?
Me - The black. Makes you look sharp. (Hehe)

LG - Will you stop? Please be serious for a minute.
Me - Oh, a little high-strung today, are we?

LG - Now you're overdoing it.
Me - Oh, don't be so picky.

LG - Ok, that was lame.
Me - I know. Not to blow my trumpet or anything, but I'm normally better.

LG - But equally stupid, nonetheless.
Me - I'd pitch in with a suggestion, but now I've lost the mood.

LG - Maybe people would consider you seriously if you were serious once in a while.
Me - I'll make a note of that. *sniggers*

LG - Dude, stop. NOW.
Me - Fine, no matter what I say, my words fall flat anyways.

LG - You are the most annoying person I've met.
Me - On what bass-is do you say that? I'm actually a very warm and chord-ial person.

LG - Now you're REALLY starting to piss me off.
Me - Now, now. Don't fret.

LG - ARRGH...

2) Cricketer

(at a bar)

C - Dude, see that girl in red? Boy, is she hot. I want to ask her out. But I think I'll screw it up.
Me - Oh, so you got bowled over by that maiden, eh? (Sorry for the trite remark. I just had to get it out of my system)

C - Well, so to speak. What do I do?
Me - Dude, you're the playa. Go for it. I'll field for you if something goes wrong.

C - But how do I start? What do I talk about?
Me - I dunno. Pick anything vague. Like comic books. See what super-hero she likes. Steer the conversation from there. Maybe she'll talk about Bat-man. (*sneers*) Then show off your batting skills or something.

C - But what if she doesn't like comics? I need to have a backup.
Me - Mm...maybe you can talk about music. Or crack the joke about how you once got drunk and managed to sing at such a 'high' pitch.

C - *gives the how-dumb-do-you-think-i-am look*
Me - Ok, that was a very silly point to make. But dude, she's got fine legs. Don't miss this opportunity.

C - I know, but I'm not going without preparation.
Me - Maybe you could play some fun games with her. Spin the bottle or something.

(This is when I recall that he happens to be a half-decent cook)

Me - Or tell about how awesome a chef you are. Cook up some story. But don't get too saucy. (For someone like me, this was the equivalent of a burst-fire from an M14. Or a 550D)

C - That's like duh.
Me - (on second thoughts) But there's a catch.

C - What?
Me - It could swing either way. Be a little prudent.

C - Yeah, yeah. I know.
Me - I'm thinking I'll stay here. You know, just in case. Plus, there's no need for a third man anyway.

(By now our friend had 'mustard' enough courage)

C - Yeah, I was thinking the same, too. Let's see how it goes. Wish me luck!
Me - Go for it!

(I watch as he diligently obeys my advice)

C - (To girl) Hi, I'm C. (gives brief intro) Do you like comics?
G - Yes, I do! My favorite super-hero is Flash!

C - Cool! Me too! Wait, I'll show you.

(At this point, the bouncer had to step in and take him away. Oh, the irony)

3) Banker

(by the river)

Me - You know, the concept of life has always interest-ed me.
B - Yeah, sometimes I begin to wonder about its intricacies, too.

Me - If you can truly appreciate the tiny things in life, it's really simple, actually.
B - No. I would disagree with you on that one. Nothing can be simplified without compromising the bigger picture.

Me - Life always hangs in the balance. When we begin to question it, I think we make the picture bigger, and disturb it.
B - Actually, the picture was always big. You just never looked.

(By now, B is visibly annoyed)

Me - At this rate, we'll get nowhere. We are both saying the same stuff in circles.
B - Sit alone and contemplate someday. You'll understand what I mean.

Me - I feel loan-ly at times, too. Reminds me -- remember that girl I was talking about the other day?
B - Which one?

Me - The one who lives in the same compound as me. But there's no chemistry. Can you say why? (Double-damage)
B - You know the answer. It lies in what you just said. Look for it and you'll find it. Did she reply to your message?

Me - Wait, lemme cheque. *winks*
B - (infuriated) Oh, shut up.

Me - Ok. You're not in the mood. How about I tell you a joke?
B - How about you don't?

Me - Ok, how did the gummy bears rob the bank, even though they faced a lot of unexpected problems?
B - I dunno. How?

Me - They stuck to the plan. LOL.
B - Jeez. That was lame. Even by your standards.

Me - Well, atleast I cheered you up a bit. You've gotta give me credit for that.
B - Sure.

Me - OMG. I just realised. We are sitting on the bank of the river. Hahahaha.
B - ARRGH...

4) Programmer

(walking on the streets)

Me - Did you close the windows before leaving?
P - Very funny.

Me - Hey! I was serious. Anyways, I compiled a list of jokes just so that you don't get bored.
P - (sarcastically) How can I resist?

Me - What do you call an Indian who likes puns and works for an e-commerce website?
P - Gee. I dunno. 'Sid'?

Me - No. A pun-job-e!
P - Gosh. How creative.

Me - Wait, it gets better. How does Steve Jobs' cat confess to ripping the sofa?
P - Meow?

Me - No. It says- iPaw'd. Get it? iPod? Pawed.
P - Yeah, I get it. Just wasn't funny enough.

Me - Ok this one is MADE for you. How does a humor-blogger format his posts?
P - That's easy. A WYSIWYG editor.

Me - Nah. Using pun-ctuation marks. Haha.
P - Is this the part where I jump off a cliff?

Me - No no. Wait. Maybe you'll like this one. How did the mouse outwit the cat?
P - Is this some kind of tech-thing? Ok I say he used a Mac.

Me - Wrong. He thought of a plan. He kept thinking, and then it finally clicked. LOL.
P - Ok, pretty innovative...NOT!

Me - Ok why didn't my (kannadiga) friend let me use his numpad?
P - Who in their right mind would let you?

Me - Everyone, that's who. But this guy said -- "Nin talle. It's 'num-pad'. Not 'nim-pad'" Hahahaha.
P - I don't get it.

Me - You don't have to. Most of my other readers will. Ok this is totally your level -- In a courtroom, the defendant's lawyer says- "The murder was done with class". To which the other guy says- "I object, your honour"

P - Lame.
Me - That's not even the best part. The judge then gives the murderer a death penalty, and then says- "Oops". ROFL.

P - That doesn't even make any sense.
Me - Ok wait. This guy is standing in a queue, quite listlessly. The man in front says- "Life is like a stack. Don't push it." LMAO.

P - Ok smarty-pants, tell me this -- If life is really an abstract virtual stack. Shouldn't everything be reduced to boolean?
Me - (*smirks*) True.

P - ARRGH..

Stop answering the questions.
Start questioning the answers.