Thursday, March 8, 2012

Friday

I looked at my watch. It was 10:30. Twenty more minutes left for the class to end. An eternity, more like. I tried to strain my eyes on the board, barely able to make out half the words. I had absolutely no idea what class was going on. I wasn’t sure whether anyone else in the classroom did, either.

Unable to concentrate any further, I drowsily turned to look outside the window. Through the corner of my eye I caught a faint glimpse of a handful of bees buzzing around in circles. A little further off into the distance, there seemed to be some construction work going on. There always was.

And then I looked down at the sheet of paper lying in front of me.

Blank.

No, wait. There was small circle drawn somewhere in the corner, with the letters ‘MC’ scrawled untidily in it. I was supposed to hand in my article for 19a by the end of the day. This was the plot, and all I’d come up with so far was that it would have a ‘main character’ in it. Brilliant.

Suddenly, Neha turned to tell me something. “Oye-lucky-lucky-oye is a palindrome.”

“What?!,” I asked, taken aback. And everyone around us burst into muffled laughter. I smiled, too. A much needed break from the monotony.

Rajiv glanced at the piece of paper, too. “Wassup, homie?,” he said, “Still no luck with the plot, eh? You know what? You should go out, man. Get some inseparation,” he said.

“Inspiration,” I corrected him.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Technical mistake,” he quickly replied.

Seeing as I desperately needed to get away from the class anyway, the moment the period ended, I walked out with the two of them in tow.

Once outside, I noticed that the place wasn’t bustling with much activity, for some reason. A friend of mine was deeply engrossed in a copy of Moscow Vector. And another handed me some notes. 'Kulla' (shorty), she called out to Rajiv. They spoke for a bit as I looked around the place. That was about it.

I suddenly remembered that I had to meet someone in the post office regarding a cash transaction.

“Is his name Mani?” Rajiv asked, “Coz then you can just do Mani-transfer. Get it? Money transfer?” He winked at me and both of them started giggling. I dropped my pencil and face-palmed myself in frustration, but gave in to the laughter eventually.

“Or, if his name is Deepu, we could ask him to Deepu-sit the money. Get it? Deposit?” I said, as my face lit up.

“You’re stupid, or what? If you want to deposit something then why do you need another guy? You can do it yourself,” Rajiv countered. And then he and Neha broke off into boisterous peals of laughter. I smiled slowly, accepting defeat.

As we walked further, we saw a mangled heap of metal that was the remains of a BMW-sedan and a REVA. The irony. I could hear the sirens of a cop-car echoing far away. In the adjacent lane, a few people were painting the sidewalk, and Neha went over to help them. I wanted to lend a hand, too, but couldn’t, as I had a bunch of things to do.

Upon reaching the post office, I received a text message. I frowned as soon as I finished reading it. I had to get back to college urgently. Rats. I frantically looked around for the man in question, finished off the work, and hastily bid Rajiv goodbye. He had some business of his own to take care of.

“Come online at 5,” he said while leaving.

“Sure,” I smiled, and turned to leave. The walk back was largely uneventful, save for an airplane momentarily screaming overhead. As I entered college, I was lost in thought about the article when—

*Thud*

Something hard hit my head from behind. I turned around in irritation to see what had caused it. But the moment I saw what it was, my anger evaporated, along with the sharp pain.

“What’s up?,” a voice spoke, cheerfully. It was Shalini. She had hit me with a book to catch my attention. “I thought you were in the post office? Then how did you come back so fas—”

“Speed post,” I interrupted.

“Oh, right,” she said, trying to suppress a snigger, “Should have expected that from a nerd like you.”

“Hey! Don’t call me that!”, I snapped.

“Nerd.”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Although, don’t actually try that, by the way. I’m really afraid of stones.”

“Really?! How come?” she inquired.

“Well, I had this dream once. It was a dark and stormy night. I was stealthily shooting some guards from a distance, when suddenly, alarms started going off everywhere. I ran up the stairs as quickly as I could to get cover, but on the top floor, there was a huge evil-robot that seemed to be bent on killing me. So I ran down again. On my way down, I slipped and fell, because my shoelaces were untied. So I threw them away, and bought a pair of chappals from a nearby shop. Just then, I saw a friend who had a bike, and we tried to get away, but his bike wouldn’t start. The next moment, I was at the top of the Malaysian twin towers, and I lost my footing and plunged downwards. When I woke up, my pillow was gone,” I rattled off effortlessly.

Shalini was at a loss for words for a few seconds. Finally, she spoke. “But you didn’t mention stones even once,” she said.

“Yeah, that’s because I’m claustrophobic,” I explained.

“What?!?! B-But that’s not even—” and then she stopped. “Ok, you win. By the way, sometimes I think that people live in their dreams for too long. Wake up.”

And just like that, I began wondering how life was all about dreams. Some people dream of being great writers, musicians, actors, among others, but how many of those dreams really get fulfilled? How many live in their dreams as a means of getting away from despair, and how many change their dreams into reality. About how much talent goes unnoticed. And then I remembered a verse from a poem by Thomas Gray—

‘Full many a gem of purest ray serene
The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear:
Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air’

“Wake up,” she said again. Although this time her voice seemed different.

“Huh?” I mumbled.

“Class over. Let’s go, sleepyhead,” the new voice spoke again.

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. I was back in the classroom again. Evidently, I had dozed off. As I slowly tried to regain consciousness, the events that had recently unfolded played back in my head.

And then I looked down at the sheet of paper lying in front of me. There was small circle drawn somewhere in the corner, with the letters ‘MC’ scrawled untidily in it.

Sigh. Time to make a start...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Blog Swap!


Howdy! Well, the good folks over at 20SomethingBloggers have hosted something called a Blog Swap. It's where bloggers are randomly chosen to post on each other's blog. I've been paired up with Lauren, who has a delightful blog that's a blend of food, life and photography. So, I get to guest post on her blog, and this is her post on mine. Pretty cool, huh? The theme was summer, and this is her post on 'The Perfect Summer Snack'. You can find mine over here. 

The Perfect Summer Snack

Summer is here, and suddenly everyone seems to be hosting barbeques or going to the beach. Eating copious amounts of ice cream is suddenly justified, because, well, it’s summer and everyone knows that it’ll be over in a flash. Here in Massachusetts it’s true that summer is short. Three months maximum and then back to the crisp fall and bitterly cold winter. So people like to take advantage of their summer and eat accordingly. My father grills outdoors whenever possible, my mother uses fresh blueberries and raspberries to make homemade jam and delicious summer pies. But what is the perfect summer snack? To be honest I couldn’t quite decide. I’ve narrowed it down to my top 5 American summer favorites. Do you agree?

  1. Cold and juicy watermelon:  There is nothing better that this sweet and fresh fruit on a hot summer day. I like it plain, but also in fresh juices, salads, and the occasional martini!

  1. Dad’s homemade burgers: I’ve never been a big burger eater, but this year something just changed. When made with very fresh ground meat and topped with local onions and tomatoes it’s not quite your McDonald’s burger.  Served on top of a fresh baked roll and I’m happy to be home.

  1. Crispy fisherman’s platter: When eating at the beach there is nothing better than stopping by a snack shack and ordering a plate of fried seafood. Simple but good. Shrimp, haddock, scallops, and clams are the usual fare in New England, with a few lemon slices on the side.

  1. Italian Ice: Forget about ice cream. This snack is found primarily in the state of New Jersey (although other places claim to sell it but it is NOT the same) and it is amazing. Cold and refreshing without all of the heaviness (and fat) of ice cream. I wish I could have it all year long!

  1. Key Lime Pie: Yes, another dessert, but for me it is summer in one bite. This pie is made with the small lime varietals that grow in the Florida Keys and creamy condensed milk. It’s both sweet and tart, and best with a homemade graham cracker crust.

Just thinking about all this food has made me hungry! What are your favorite summer snacks?

Lauren is a 24 year old Massachusetts girl currently living with her husband in Spain and trying to find an outlet for her food fascination (that hopefully materializes as a fun and highly paid job!)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

How To Win Arguments. With Math.

Ever wondered why nights feel longer than days?

Yeah, I know...you have. That was a rhetorical question. Like-- 'Can pigs fly?' Or... 'Am I straight?'

Don't answer that.

So anyways, I set out to use my vast mathematical prowess (which happens to be more than simple stuff like 6+3=4) to find the answer. And after a long and calculated journey, I was able to obtain the following proof--
 
The Balance of Nature (a.k.a. The LHS = RHS Method)

Possible values for 'Day' = Yesterday, Today, Sunday, Monday...Saturday
(Total of 9)

Possible values for 'Night' = Tonight, Last night
(Total of 2. And no, midnight does not count because it comes somewhere in between)

But in a week, the days and nights are equal.
So 9 days = 2 nights.

Which, evidently, brings us to the obvious conclusion-- that days are shorter than nights.

(Corollary: Nights are longer than days, for which I leave out the proof. Oh, by the way, it requires advanced imaginary calculus and operations on partial numbers, so you wouldn't understand it anyway)

But there was some part of me that was not convinced. No, not that one. I mean, if the ratio of night:day = 2:9 - then why should we pay taxes?

Seriously, any idiot could figure out that 2/9 is...umm...twice of whatever 1/9 is. But that is irrelevant. What I'm trying to say is-- if the government does use our tax money wisely, shouldn't they provide us with a free bottle of orange soda every time we make a call?

Hell yeah, they should..and I'm gonna explain to you why. It's because, uh, because..

...

You probably find yourself stuck in a similar situation often, don't you? Of course you do. Don't be silly. *Points gun* Yeah, thought so. Notice what went wrong in that argument? Yes, the taxes. Ok, maybe the orange soda, too. But mainly, the taxes. I mean, seriously?

Hmm..to put this stuff into better perspective, maybe we need to take a look at some of the subtle things that actually went right up until that point. In case you noticed, it was the clever use of math. But you didn't, did you? *Pokes gun hard* Thought so. The idea is to sprinkle it around lightly, not throw everything you've got.

If you're not good at debate, you can use this handy guide to help you out. What's that you say? You're terrible at math? Brilliant! Then this guide is just for you. But if you're good at math already, don't worry. You'll soon unlearn everything you've learnt since school in about 10 minutes. Actually, half of that. That's right, in 6 minutes. Let's get started.

Transitions (a.k.a. A>B and C>B, so A=C, right?)

Sometimes, the topic of discussion is so vague, that you can slightly change the subject without anyone realising what you're talking about. Works well when the target does not know much about the subject. Works even better when even you don't--

Me : "One of the most sublime works in literature, Don Quixote is a must-read"

X  : "Er, it's not pronounced 'Quick-sote'. It's pronounced 'Kee-ho-te'"

Me : "Dude, it doesn't matter. I typed it"

X  : "Oh, yeah. Sorry, my bad"

I don't know what I'm getting at here. But it's something cool.

The Discrete Maths Method (a.k.a 1+1=2, so Pizza must be from Thailand)

I really don't have much more to say about this right now.

The what-did-you-just-say method (a.k.a. e=mc^2*pi^3/1.000123y, depending on if x)
 
There are multiple ways to pull this one off. If you're one of those people who can remember long-ish words and spew them out at will, without consideration for what they mean, then this is for you--

Me :  "Even though this technology has harmful side effects, we have developed ways to reduce its impact by 9.3%"

X  : "So, that's like saying sorry after killing somebody"

Me : "Not at all. In fact, if you consider the fact that most cellular degeneration occurs at the lateral genome position, you'll realise that this is the inter-planar receptor facility provided for in the most clandestine of all olfactory inhibitions. 
 
So that's like saving a life and then saying thank you"

X  : "Oh, yeah. I didn't think of it that way"

You see, people have ego problems. They'd rather agree than admit that they didn't understand. But that didn't really sound too convincing. Plus, most people are put off by large clumps of text. So here's a better, more effective method-- use clichés. Loads and loads of them. Order/relevance do not matter at all--

X  : "I think my girlfriend is preventing me from concentrating on work"

Me : "Work smarter, not harder. Loneliness didn't a better writer make"
 
X  : "But then it will look like I'm slacking off"

Me : "Many a brave soul hath fought the same battle, and lost. You wouldn't want to be the boy who cried wolf, would you?"
 
X  : "Oh, no no. Of course not. I don't know what I was thinking"

Side Switches (a.k.a  x>y, but p looks cute, so y>x)

Ok, so this one requires a bit of practice. The idea is to put forth your ideas in pairs. This way, if one of them turns out to be wrong, you can either try to hold on to the other, or, better still, turn the debate on its head, and quickly switch over to the winning side. Like so--

Me : "Hmm, so I heard that they're planning to split us up into clubs based on our interests. There's about fifty to choose from. I'm torn between Cookie Monsters and the Purple Puppies"

X : "Why the hell would you want to go into any of those groups? Do you really wanna be a part of something like Cookie Monsters?"

Me : "Umm, no..but do you really wanna be a part of Purple Puppies? That's so retarded"
 
X  : "Jeez, hell no. Of course not. Cookie Monsters it is, bro"

You could also try a more direct approach-- by attacking a modified version of your opponent's argument. As long as it bears even the slightest of resemblance to the original, your work is done. Consider--

X : "There's this new ice-cream place across the block, you should really try their butterscotch flavour"
 
Me : "Do you know that some ice-creams contain egg? Must be really satisfying for you to feast upon helpless little unborn kids, huh? You monster!"
 
X : "Omg, I'm so sorry. I vow never to eat ice-cream again" (*shudders/sobs*)
 
Me : *Ting* "Ah, looks like my omelette is ready in the oven"

If that doesn't work out, there's another tool you can use -- Guns Pathos. Attempting to persuade through the power of emotion. If done correctly, you can play with the target's emotions at will. But be warned-- this is actually quite deceptive. You may be tempted to use it every single time, but don't fall into that trap. People can have feelings, just like you. Emotions are not something meant to be played with. How would you like it if someone did that to you?

Nah, I'm just bullshitting. You can use it whenever you please. Almost gotcha, though, didn't I? Haha. Sucker. 
 
Now share this with a dozen people in the next hour, or you will die. That's right, 15 different people.
 
You don't believe that? Well, let's just say that I have a gun. And you don't. Do the math.