7 Tips For Success

Several people have been hounding me. And several hounds have been asking me for the secrets to my success. And I have finally decided to give in. To the dogs, that is. These are serious tips that you'll notice me using more often than not (more specifically, on all weekends of prime number leap years, barring 1982).

1) Don't Procrastinate

More on this a little later.

2) Lose Weight

Calculate your BMI using the following formula.

mass (lbs) x 4.88

-----------------

(height(ft))^2

And multiply the square-root of that number by 42. Then lose 19 kilos.

3) Clothes

Clothes have a major impact on your overall image. Dungarees are a strict no-no. Wear a suspender if you must. Wear bright colours. Especially black. It helps hide paan stains. And bird-shit. Also goes well with the orange shoes and the purple stilettos. And a denim jacket. Green. Accessorise with a choice of hot or shocking pink cellphone. Don a hat. But remember to take it off when travelling at the speed of light. (Link)

4) Pretend like you're Undercover

Speak in an undertone. And use phrases like 'Charlie', 'Watch your 6', whilst mumbling to yourself that your geiger count keeps fluctuating due to the weather. Try pressing some buttons on your watch and act disappointed when there is no response. Then make a call on your phone and describe the girl sitting next to you as if she works for Counter-Intelligence. (Personal note- Do NOT interchange the watch and the girl in the previous paragraph)

5) Show off your vocabulary

Some people think that a good vocabulary is the hallmark of a successful person. Take advantage by using words that have a French origin without knowing what it means. Like "I'd like a quiche, but a mélange would suffice for my protégé." Spice up with trite remarks like - "If you know what I mean" and "Get it? Get it?" and sit back and watch their faces look at you with awe. Then go on to say that au contraire, you hate all these clichés, just so that you can show off that little é with the diacritic again. Oh, you sauve little connoissuer, you.

6) Keep it concise

Do not go on and on and on and on rambling about something that you have no idea about without even bothering to put punctuation marks or to stop and think if you're making sense or simply rambling on and on and on going in circles without having points to corroborate your idea making you look like an utter idiot in the process because nobody likes people who talk a lot...and I mean a LOT. Now memorise the above line so that you can use it for those motivational speeches when you run out of juice just when you realise that you have scurvy --

OK speech: "Brevity is the art of talking less and saying more."

Good speech: "Er.."

Excellent speech: ""

8) Gain new perspective

Not everyone is equally fortunate. Learn to see the world through other people's eyes. But don't forget to return them after you're done with it. And try to walk in their shoes for a day. Sometimes there maybe a mismatch in size. In that case insist that they buy you a new pair.

9) Get a haircut

The other day I landed myself in some trouble when my Chemistry prof. noticed that I had an attendance shortage. It was a career-threatening moment, but it was also one that was safely averted thanks to a neat 'job given to me by my barber. Helpful to get you out of those sticky situations, if you know what I mean.

Prof: "I haven't seen you in class too often. You are very irregular"

Me: "No, sir. I just had a haircut"

See? Always works.

Trees

Strolling through the woods, in the cool, pleasant breeze,

She reached for the apples, up on the trees,

She tried assiduously, from the morn' to the nigh',

But her legs were too small; the branches too high.

They were happy, she knew, for she watched them chat,

Alone in the corner, by her books, she sat,

Whenever their eyes met; she'd blush, he'd smile,

And then she'd be lost in her dreams for a while.

She sat on the bench, alone, by the creek,

Day after day, week after week,

Waiting for the day he'd notice she cared,

All the time hopeful, all the time scared.

Maybe he'd never see, maybe he knew,

Problems, she had many; friends, but a few,

In her crazy world she was lost, hoping for a guide,

On his shoulders she'd rest, in him she'd confide.

Like a free bird, in the springtime, once she flew,

What happened to her since, nobody knew,

She was being held back; to many a restraint, she was tied,

When asked what was wrong, "I'm fine", she lied.

She controlled her feelings, and hardly spake,

But spent countless nights in bed, awake,

She wouldn't eat anymore, she'd lost her appetite,

She tried to stay strong, "Dont let go, just fight."

But it was never enough, hard as she tried,

So she locked up her room, and endlessly cried,

Alone, she thought, stroking her hair,

Just maybe (perhaps), life isn't fair.

Walking by the sidewalk, as if under a spell,

Her foot missed a step, and acutely she fell,

She writhed in pain, a leg she broke,

She'd stumbled upon something, 'twas a tree- an oak.

Someone came over, and gave her a hand,

He helped her up, as she managed to stand,

She was about to thank him, and gave him a glance,

And at once, she knew- there's always a second chance.

The Lost Key - Part IV

I rushed to the spot where she lay.

"Lily? LILY?", I asked, shaking her frantically.

But she seemed too frail. Chris came over and helped carry her outside. Once we got into the safety of the car, I tried to wake Lily up again, refusing to believe my eyes.

As I sat beside her, holding her hands, I was lost in her memories. The day we first met. They way she smiled even though she didn't want to. Her laugh. There was something about the way she got angry, too. And the way she cried. But those moments were gone forever. Nothing could bring them back.

And then the millions of things I wished I'd told her when I still had the chance began rushing to my head.

In the meantime, the leader of the team in black tried to help our understanding of the situation. He introduced himself as Mike. He was an undercover agent who worked for Area 51. He went on to explain how Luke had hacked into the database of Project Sandstorm, thus giving him access to highly classified information about the Lost Key, as well as on me. And that was how he was able to trace my every move.

But I had lost interest by now. Nothing seemed to matter anymore --

And then Chris put his hand on my shoulder. The three of us had been through all of life's up's and down's. And he understood me well. Better than me, and almost as well as her.

As I drew myself away, my hands felt something in Lily's pocket. I took it out. It was the package. It was badly crumpled up now. On it, were written just two words, in Lily's handwriting-

For you.

I turned it over to see what was inside. The moment I opened it, I could see that it was a powdery substance. But due to my carelessness, it slipped from my hand, and the entire contents were spilt- upon Lily. I quickly tried to collect some of it back, but it was too late.

For, suddenly, all of it had disappeared magically. And the place where it was became aglow with fluorescence. Something was happening. Chris looked at me and I saw that we were equally clueless about the unnatural phenomenon taking place.

And then, unbelievably, Lily's hand twitched. I rubbed my eyes. I must have been hallucinating. And then it happened again. It was subtle yet noticeable. And slowly, Lily rose. Then she hugged me, and started crying. And for the first time in many years, so did I.

As she wiped a tear off her cheek, she managed a smile-

"So, what did I miss?", she asked jokingly.

"Nothing out of the ordinary", Chris grinned.

And she hugged him too, still sniffing.

"So what was in the package?", I asked.

"Well, it was a gift from my mother. It contains nothing. But has the ability to transform to whatever the bearer really wants, as long as he doesn't want to use it."

Mike and the others came over to witness the miracle, but at the exact same moment, Chris had a flash of insight-

"The riddle -- it's supposed to mean something. Mark as equal each and every sine. Of course! The Trinity Dunes. The angle each dune makes to the normal is equal. Now it seems so obvious."

"Yeah, except, not for 'normal' people like us", Lily said jokingly.

I chuckled too, but quickly tried to grasp the seriousness of the situation.

Apparently, it was not too distant, and our only hope was too head straight towards the place.

"Just a minute", Chris said. And he went back into the caves for some reason. When he came back, he had a flaskful of the red liquid with him. "This ought to come in handy for my experiments", he said.

Upon reaching the place, we realised that it was quite, um, deserted. We did a bit of digging around, and stumbled upon an ancient sundial. It bore Mayan characteristics, but seemed too advanced for its time (pun unintended).

"Do you notice anything special about it?", I asked.

"Nope. It seems pretty ordinary to me", Chris replied.

"Then it must have something to do with sundials in general"

"Thats it! The sundial reaches its peak at noon. And then it starts decreasing -- running out of sands of time. It makes sense now", Lily said.

And it did. So we ripped off the attachment on its 12 o' clock position, and saw a metallic disc underneath.

Having no clue as to how we were supposed to proceed, I looked at Chris, hoping he knew something I didn't. Apparently, he did. He opened his flask, and began gently pouring its contents on it. I watched as it effervesced. But that was it. Nothing happened after that.

"Hmm, that's strange. The Elixir is supposed to dissolve all metals. I guess its missing something", Chris said, perplexed.

Lily and I looked at him in silence. And then --

"What's with the grin?", he asked.

"By any chance, is it supposed to contain porcelain?", I asked.

"Let me check."

And he flipped open his PDA, looking for information on the web.

"By golly, it does! How did you know??", he exclaimed.

I just reached into my pockets. And there it was- the missing piece of the puzzle- the cup. I put a piece of it in the concoction, and watched as it turned from red to vermillion, and then to a beautiful crimson.

I decanted the liquid once again. And this time, the metal quickly vaporised.

"Nature's true form- sublime", Lily smiled.

And the ground beneath us split apart to reveal a staircase. We made our way slowly into its depths. Once we reached the bottom, we saw a chamber. And there it was -- adroitly crafted, ornately studded, and safely hidden among the rubble for centuries --

The Lost Key.

the end